We immediately prayed, & tried not to get "too ahead of ourselves" because you know what happened last time.. But anyway...
This time I wasn't waiting to tell my family, I realized the first time, I really needed them, from beginning to end on this journey, especially if anything were to happen.. I would need them again to be my support system, encouragement & Prayer warriors. I did not want to suffer in silence because I wanted to make the perfect "announcement." I just wanted to bask in the glory of each day, We were Pregnant!
As soon as I got confirmation from my doctor via blood work, I called my mom, I told my sisters, my best friend, & even my son & again we ALL were extremely Happy!!
The fear and reservations I had vanished & I was taking each day, each week, one step at a time.
& then it happened, AGAIN...
Exactly One Month ago Today. (This post was written in 2015) This time it was even more gut wrenching.
The first couple of appointments everything seemed fine, HCG was doubling accordingly the symptoms were certainly there. The doctor wanted me to do an early ultrasound because of the previous miscarriage this time however, just to be sure everything was on track.
While apprehensive, it was exciting... You mean I get to see this little miracle even sooner?! Yay!!! I prepared for the ultrasound and thought about it that entire week. That day I googled other 6W5D ultrasounds so I'd know what I should "expect" to see & when I got in the room and we only saw the SAC I knew instantly that something wasn't right... But I wanted to hold on to hope.
The ultrasound technician tried to be optimistic in saying "well it's still early so we may be able to see the baby next week," but again that small voice was preparing me, I knew it was the beginning of the end.
I scheduled that appointment to be back in a week.. & told my husband about everything when I got home. Next week came but not before the spotting over the weekend. I was going into that appointment knowing the deal, & the only surprise I got was that my husband was there in the waiting room when I arrived to be alongside me this time.
She did the ultrasound & again, No Heartbeat.. I thought I'd cry, but I had prepared myself so I didn't. When she went out the room to get the doctor my husband looked at me and said "this is our testimony" and he was right. It was so reassuring to hear that because at this time the enemy was trying to have his way in saying my husband would be disappointed because right now I wasn't able to give him a baby. Thankfully I have a God fearing man who instead prayed with me and told me, it's til death do us part, when we took those vows we meant them, we already have one child, (his step child) & that I'm stuck with him no matter what!! { If you know my husband, he's a jokester so while it was a very sentimental time I couldn't help but laugh because of the way in which he said it.} God knew I needed him to be there & that his patients for once... Could wait ;)
The doctor came in still not wanting to "say just yet" but instead, "come back in a week for another ultrasound." That week came and she finally said the pregnancy wasn't progressing and I would miscarry naturally.
I had already accepted it. My body went in "labor" or so it felt like labor for those 30 mins 4 days after that appointment.
I sat in the bathroom letting Nature take its course. My husband would check on me every now and then & my son just gave me my space (he's super clingy, so giving someone space is a miracle by all means lol) & after ..... I felt a sense of peace, I was on the road to truly healing. God was cleansing & purifying me through the process and I was coming out victorious.
Now I can truly empathize with other 1 in 4's and hope what I've endured can help someone else.
A few important things I've gained from this experience
Trust God with ALL your heart!
β’ Learn to trust God & be content with him & only him.. Walk by Faith as hard as it is, you don't just get hand outs from God. You have to walk with him and TRUST him to do what he said he would do.
There's a time & season under the sun for everything.
β’Don't let anyone not even yourself instill fear in your heart because of What it may "look" like... That seed gets in your Spirit & in the way of you trusting God. This is your journey, your testimony, your story. Embrace it. When you are walking according to Gods will, EVERYTHING IS WORKING TOGETHER FOR YOUR GOOD! & eventually you will be rewarded for your faithfulness.
Some people ask "well how do you know this is Gods will or if I am in it?!" It's simple. The apostle Paul wrote "rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is Gods will for you" When you are praising instead of pity partying, you're growing, & learning, & sometimes that's what God wants to teach you the most through that test.
This is not the end.
β’It is not over!! "This sickness is not unto death but so that the son of God can be glorified through it." John 11:4
Sometimes you feel like God made you a promise he didn't keep, & you get angry with God when things didn't go your way. That's when it's hard to keep worshiping. But my question is this, Can you worship while The Word is working?
What he started he will be faithful to complete until the day of Christ Jesus. Let it be well with you, the process is not always easy, but keep the Faith and until you see the manifestation know that it's not over.
The devil would love for you to give up and be defeated. God created us with this very intentional purpose, to "multiply & subdue" the earth. The devil comes to steal, kill, & destroy, he wants nothing more but for you to quit. Don't let him WIN. This is only the end if you choose for it to be. We cannot control our circumstances but we can control our choices. Choose Victory over defeat.
The bigger the difficulty the greater the blessing.
β’God didn't promise you'd never suffer loss. But he did promise that he's the restorer of all things. Rest in his arms and in HIS promises. Focus on praise and you will find peace and happiness. Everything that has been taken away from you will be restored!! If you just ........ Wait upon the Lord.
That's the season we are in .. WAITING .. Everyones waiting is different for some it may be IVF, Adoption, or even Surrogacy---But no matter the process remember to be content and rejoice every step of the way! Is it hard at times? Of Course! But it is also a blessing. Our marriage is stronger because of this. We haven't let multiple miscarriages put a wedge between our union because there's only room for God in that space.